Oh and by the way, today was my dearest aunt birthday… she’s oficially 51 now. I know you have nothing to do with the people’s dead lines you just take them when their time is up, but give my thanks to God upstair because he allowed her to spend another year with us.
One thing though made me sad. Her youngest son wasn’t there to cheer her up with us. Every time I see a son or a daughter not spendind enough time with their parents… missing their birthdays and stuff like that I get sad because I’m always wishing for one more time with my mom. Time goes away so fast. People die. And some people only notice how precious those little things are when the beloved ones are not around anymore.
I’ve been doing better lately Mr Reaper. Bu I still have bad days, some days I get sad, some days I get angry… most of the times I get sad… very sad to tell you the truth. And the worse part of it it’s that I usually have to hide my feelings. It’s very hard you know. So I’ve been working myself to exaustion so I get commatose when I get home, so I don’t think about my feelings too much. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But my head feels tired. I’ve been reading a lot, watching a lot of movies until I’m very sleepy, but looks like my mind just can’t turn off and I keep thinking even when I’m sleeping.
You know Mr Reaper… when I was a small kid I used to tell my mom I had solved a problem while sleeping, she used to laugh. But with the time she got used with weird me thinking while sleeping. It was a good thing in the past, I would go to bed with a problem and wake up with a solution. But right now it really bothers me and makes me really tired and I have huge headaches.
I’m having a bad week really, my back is really killing me and… I’m a little worried. Sometimes I feel that my mom’s death got me a little traumatized. Every little pain makes me think about cancer, some kind of tumor. Sorry, I can’t help it… my mom suffered for months with a pain in her back before the doctor found the tumor.
Hey Mr Reaper I watched a very sad movie today… and in the end of the movie the sick dying girl saw her brother, who died when they were kids and… I wonder if when we die… our beloved ones that died before us… if they really come to… you know, take you to the afterlife… wherever it may be. Or maybe… you and your reaper friends (or may I call them coleagues?) just dress up their appearences so we go with you guys more willingly? Could you be honest with me and just answer me this question before you take me? I promess I won’t make a scene, or cry, or try to run away… when time comes. I’ll be agreable… you have my word.
I’ve been trying to be a nice girl, so… I hope I’m not going to hell (you never answer me anything… is tere a hell? Os is it a limbo of some kind?) and if I’m not going to hell I have no reason to cause you any problems when my time comes. So… I think it would be a nive chance for us to have a real conversation… because this one we have on ocasions you must agree with me, it’s pretty one sided.
My mother’s mom just called me right now asking about my health. I really don’t understand my family. I’m not even trying to understand them anymore. My grandmother just told me that I need to take care of me because she can’t stand the thought of losing anyone else anymore. She says she gotta go first. Well I really understand how she feels… They are scared that I’m loosing my feelings, my love for the family… I’m not… is just that my feelings have changed somehow in the last years.
Well Mr Reaper… it’s been nice talking to you… as always… If you are not intenting to leave me for the other world please give me some break with the pain in my back okay?
See you around…