Since I lost the post I was writing yesterday because de damn computer decided to boot himself without my permission let’s start all over… seriously I can’t remember what I wrote… can’t… so… I’ll play by ear.

It’s been a awful couple of weeks. Lots of messing ups at the jobplace that ended with me replacing a worker to other area far away from me and the rest of the people I work with… I didn’t want to get to this but I had to… so… no complaints.

I was feeling very tired yesterday. I had a sensation that a flu was coming my way… well I wasn’t wrong at all. Today I woke up wishing I didn’t need go to work… but I had to and so I went… but I started to feel lousy and I came back home. I’m still feeling a little bad… today I woke up and I was so sure it was saturday that when the clock started to call me up I juts though… Damned all to Hades!!!! It’s still fryday!!!

Fryday by the way… Big Day to my little brothers, they are at the trials at the University… we are going to school together, the three of us for the next two years if everything goes OK. Good thing for them… bad thing is that Mom will pay for their colege as well and… there will be no money for a new car unless I can save money myself and buy the damn thing. Well I can do it… if I put my mind into it I realle can… but that means one more year as a pedestrian, rolling on the bus with those disgusting people.

Coming back home from work today I had to listen a lot of crazy women talking shit… thank God for the invention of MP3 player, so I could listen to good music instead of listen to them.

Well… as I said the week was hard and I have this crazy feeling that as the end of the year is coming closer it tends to get worse… I don’t know… maybe it’s crazy of me… but anyway…

Next Monday the website od the University will tell me if I’m gonna be a happier member of the seventh semester together with my folks… be free or will pay DP, or even if I will need to do the Damn semester again… let’s see..

I wish I could take some weeks of just to myself you know… travel to someplace unknown by every little family and friend of mine and just stay there, sleeping, resting, forgeting all my problems, just pretending they really don’t exist… but I can’t… I can’t even take a day off if I’m sick… I think the only day of avoiding work is dying hahahahahahah… and I’m not up to it… not now. I’m depressive but not this depressive for wishing I was dead… I just wish I was on vacation.

The band of the week is coldplay… my brother Carlos love them… they are so depressive… I love them too… but not lately… I hate depressive music when I’m depressive myself. Speaking of wish… my friends have been trying hard through this year don’t let the depression take care of me… but as I said the end of the year is coming and everybody is quite busy… travels, and family stuff… I finally get some time jjust to myself… some of the weight of the responsabilities that are from study are off my sholders and I think this is putting me down a little…

As I said sometime in the middle of the year… I thought right then that I would fall if I hadn’t much to do or to think about… my afternoons now are free and I have time to think about my life… really.. this is no good… and I’ve been sleeping all afternoon… last days at least.

Well I’ve been tired and sick I can use the rest… but I’m feeling very sad lately… though I don’t know why… my mom is a lot better… she’s walking around the house yealiing at us, doing home care… she is painless… I should be happy… but I’m sad… I feel like runing away all the time… feel like hiding. And it’s passing through me… people are noticing ‘cos I can’t hide my feelings… I’m too much like an open book… everybody can read myself right at my face…

I think I need some kind of phisical activity to produce some endhorphyn in my body… well that’s it… see you guys tomorrow I guess…

Devemos modelar nossas palavras
até se tornarem o mais fino invólucro dos nossos pensamentos.

(Clarice Lispector)


Ceres"Shao" Xisto


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